


You're the mistress of evil of my heart

by Eilisande



Category: Galavant (TV)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, F/M, Humor, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 06:49:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18935632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eilisande/pseuds/Eilisande
Summary: As Gareth goes in search of Madalena, Sid at his side, the two men have a discussion about the evolution of this special relationship.





	You're the mistress of evil of my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Translation of one of my texts. Enjoy you're reading and let me know if you liked it !

To go on a quest was definitely the aspect of the life of a squire that Sid prized. When a knight was at rest, the squire had to do everything from administrative paperwork to scouring the latrines, and in times of war, the knight was too busy to give him more than dry orders. When questing, however, the squire was considered with a minimum of respect and the knight had to do some chores too. Moreover, he even took the time to teach him a few things for the day he would become a knight too. Sid had gone on a quest with Galavant only three times, but he had enjoyed every moment.

Minus a few details like Isabella's snoring, roots in the back when you try to sleep, the rain that lasted days, the difficulty to find the money for food, robbers, mosquitoes, the sunburns, the armour to maintain ... But at least it was heroic, full of sword-fights, the thunder of blades in duels, virile friendship and eternal gratitude. When he did not kill his knight by mistake, at least.  
Being on a quest with Gareth, however, was very different from his experience with Galavant. There was just as much, if not more, manhood, and a crash of swords also, but much less heroism and more ears were torn with the teeth. He had expected it, but Sid was a bit confused. With a lot of fear and a little bit of admiration, he'd spent the last few weeks watching Gareth smash the skulls of everyone who was staring at him just because he was frustrated. Sid could do nothing but hide behind a table or a tree and take the opportunity to ask the frightened passers-by hiding with him if they saw this Madalena bitch pass.

The classic duo bad knight / good squire in sum. Surprisingly, the method worked when Gareth was careful not to cause too much head trauma to those who refused to answer Sid. The big brute even started to become fond of Sid. He taught him many ways to hit an opponent. In a way, he was a better master for his squire than Galavant, who was more inclined to use him as a beast of burden than to teach him how to be a knight. Gareth even paid him his apple juice in the taverns. He made fun of him, but he did it anyway. Galavant seemed to believe that paying the wine of his master was a squire's duty. And now that the latter had decided to give up knighthood for fatherhood, Sid was seriously considering staying with Gareth and signing an apprenticeship with him.

He was, therefore, quite astonishingly, happy.

All the same, it took him two months of research, three weeks of tramping in the Ignobles Mountains of the Dreadful Death, a fight against a hydra and Gareth's assertion that he was 'a good guy, all in all, for a little skinny little squire,' for Sid to dare to ask the question that had been bothering him from the beginning. When he finally managed to find this courage, they were in sight of a manor of black stone which stood out on a rocky peak under a dreadful sky. They were many dangerous lightning bolts. They had been sworn that Madalena had been seen coming in that direction and Sid hoped it was true for the people of the castle. Gareth was very much on edge and could kill them all if Madalena was not there. They had stopped because of the rain and he was trying to straighten his blood-stained shirt in vain. Sid then asked the question, in the vague hope of calming Gareth's distress, and also because he knew he would never dare to ask it in front of Madalena.  
"In fact, Gareth, I was wondering, just like that, a little question."

"What?" Gareth snarled, finishing shaving his head with his dagger.  
He had even asked if he could borrow Sid's pocket mirror, which was,  frankly, a little terrifying.

-C'est juste que... j'ai beau essayer, je n'arrive pas à comprendre comment vous en êtes arrivé là, à partir en quête le cœur plein d'amour. C'est quelque chose de facilement compréhensible chez Galavant, mais beaucoup moins chez vous. D'autant plus que vous et moi savons parfaitement que Madalena est la pire pétasse des Sept Royaumes.

''I'm trying hard, but... It's just that I can't understand how you got there, going on a quest because you're in love. It's easy to understand when it's Galavant, but much less when it's you. Especially since you and I know that Madalena is the worst bitch of the Seven Kingdoms."  
Realizing what he had just said, Sid froze. He felt a trickle of sweat slip down his spine and expected to hear the sound of his skull against the cliff. Gareth's tender smirk was unexpected and more than mildly traumatic. Sid was on the verge of jumping into the nearby precipice screaming in terror.

"She's really a bitch, isn't she? Who would have thought that there would be such an exceptional woman in my life, except my mom?"

Sid did not even dare to imagine what this woman looked like, but the image of a giant eight feet tall, shaved, tattooed and scratching on bear bones that she had killed with bare hands stood out in his mind. He shuddered and forced himself to go back to the conversation.

"So, how come you …"

"That I love her enough to run behind her like a dog behind a bone? It's not for her beauty, for sure. She's classically beautiful, yes, but I prefer very thin and very large women, you see, the kind we do not want to see on the stage of a theatre. You could cut yourself on her cheekbones, but not on the rest of her anatomy. But there's something in Madalena's eyes, I do not know if you see what I mean."

"The furious madness?"

"Yes," Gareth sighed in a foggy voice that betrayed his love. "Exactly. It drives me crazy and I'll give everything to see that look and her little smile when she thinks about murder and betrayal. Richard, he was raised to become a bully, but he never managed to become a real bastard. Madalena did not need any preceptors or fencing masters, nor did she read any treatises on how to annihilate her enemies. She made herself. A real lady. A real queen."

"For sure, she's tough enough to try to eat the world and succeed. But still, she betrayed you and it wasn't a small thing. And you're still looking for her?"

"I can't do anything about it. I guess that's love for you. There's something about her that makes you want to throw herself at her feet. You saw how Galavant and Richard crawled and drooled in front of her."

Sid opened his mouth, hesitated but finally rejected asking his question. Putting his mirror in his bag, he went back on horseback. After spitting in his hand and passing it over his skull to polish it, Gareth did the same and they continued on their way to the castle.

"You had a question just before. You want to ask?"

"Richard and Galavant understood what woman Madalena was and fled at full speed. You are also perfectly aware of the bitch that she is. I think. So why are you still looking for her?"

"I am not stupid just because I am a thick brute. I was hired to be, but that does not stop me from thinking. I get paid to spot dangerous women like Madalena when my master is too busy to watch their cute face or buttocks. I didn't saw anything wrong with Madalena, because she was not one when Richard met him. Or maybe she was, and she just didn't know it. She became bad luck in just a few weeks and Richard was already in love so I couldn't do anything. It forces admiration. I admired her very quickly and I did not even know that I was one to love women for their brains. Isabella, she's smart, but she just reacts when you attack her. My Maddie, she decided to survive what was inflicted upon her, then that it was not enough, that she wanted everything life had deprived her of, gold, food, power and that she would use all the means at her disposal. And she learned. She learned very quickly. Too fast maybe, and that's why she lost. Still, I admire her. It took her two months to assimilate stuff that took me years to learn."

"But at first, after Richard's departure, you hated her."

Gareth burst out laughing.

"Oh yes I did! Richard is what he is but he is my friend. I could admire her, but there was no way I liked this bitch who had hurt him. I was her king, but it was just to allow Richard to run. After that, I was ready to fight her, to annihilate her et give back her throne to my king. I did not even think I had personal ambitions before falling in love with her. You saw well how we were at dagger drawn."  
"Yes, I was there for the musical number. It was not the best of the show if you want my opinion, the pace was nice, but a little weak compared to others."

"Well, it was fun to torment you. I had never thought about what I wanted in a woman, but not that, for sure. Frankly, when you look at me, you imagine that the woman of my life is big, muscular, capable of assuring my back in a fight, not this little sophisticated queen. But I happen to like women for their character. I would not have believed it. So even if she looks like every pretty girl without forms, even if she has treachery written on her heart and if she prefers jewellery to hunting trophies, I thought there was something quite uncommon in her and that I wanted it."

"A bit like a hunting trophy actually."

Realizing the insult, Sid was silent. Gareth snickered and stared at the castle, closer now. It was now impossible to continue riding as the road was narrow and steep. They dismounted and continued on their way as the storm redoubled around them. From where they stood, it was now impossible to see the castle. Gareth was ruminating and Sid let him.

"There are women who are trophies, but whoever tries to put Madalena on the wall would find himself nailed first. Yes, she and I were repulsed by each other. We are the opposite of each other, that's for sure. Only sometimes, you are attracted to what is different and very quickly the repulsion has become something else."

"You fell in love. Not her."

Gareth laughs softly, with self-mockery.

"She as much as I. You do not know her and you hate her Sid. I love her and I may be even less objective than you on the question, but I know my Maddie. She fell in love too and at first, we really thought it was enough, that together we could conquer the world and all that. Exceed our differences. I had never been my own master and she was used to having to manipulate in the background to control her own destiny. We learned together to lead and it brought us closer and each morning I woke up thinking that I wanted to stay with her for the rest of our lives, that with her I could conquer the world and keep it and I understood that it was love and that made us stronger. And I can swear that's what she felt too. Only my new dream was to do it all together. She wanted to conquer and dominate it for herself. For her, I was just a nice bonus."

Sid struggled not to choke. These two were crazy. He was happy to have fled in time to join Galavant. Finding nothing to say, he just followed Gareth, who sighed dramatically. The road, which had become a path, turned once more and they saw the castle again, lit by flames. Madalena walked away from it, looking furious in her purple and black velvet dress. Without worrying about the precipice on his right, Gareth rushed towards her and Sid could not help following him. It was impossible not to be interested in their horrible romance: one was attracted to it as if it was a coach accident, with a kind of morbid fascination. When they were close enough to her, the two men could see that she was not only metaphorically fulminating, the train of her dress also literally smoked.

She finally noticed them but did not slow down and they had to press against the cliff to let her pass. She greeted Gareth with a nod and he rushed after her.

"There you are. Pay attention to what you're going to say, I'm not in the mood."

"Is the first time you set fire to a castle?"

Tremolos of pride echoed in Gareth's voice. He was so proud of her that his smile went to his ears and Sid could see tears in his eyes in the light of the flames.

"Yes and so? These fools deserved it. They have the forces of hell at their disposal, enough power to destroy the world in one afternoon and heat the five-hour tea on its smoking ruins and what do they do with it? Nothing! I would learn much better by myself than from those good for nothing who prefer to discuss the proper orientation of an armchair facing a fireplace and the best way to prevent a lace doily from yellowing too quickly. But they crossed the line."

"What did they do?" Sid asked, fearing the answer.

Madalena shivered in horror as she relived the event.

"They wanted to convince me that apple green satin and topaz was the trendy look that I had to wear for my debut in the world of D'DEW. Green apple satin! Me! No, it's decided, I abandon these incompetent and I start a solo career."

"And why not in a career in a duo?"

The proposal blew Madalena mind. Her gaze became distant, almost sad before she answered Gareth.

"You know that what we want is too different."

"Not that much. I talked to Sid and he opened my eyes."

"Really?" Sid and Madalena asked in amazement.

"Yes. The conquest and domination of the Seven Kingdoms is something that you and I can agree on. The only problem we really have is your use of magic, but being in a relationship, you have to do concessions, right? I told you, it is out of the question that I accept the use of magic on the battlefield, I want to win like a warrior, with swords and guts flying in all directions, but I do not have any problem with the fact that you use it to torture prisoners or terrorize populations. I'm even willing to accept magic on the battlefield if the other side uses it first and you ask me to agree before replying."

"You would do that?" Madalena asked in a trembling voice.

"For you, I would do many things queenie."

"And you would let me even do a makeover on you?"

"Within reason. No way I leave the leather on leather look or shave my head but I am ready to listen to your proposals and I leave you carte blanche for the uniform of our soldiers. You are the mistress of the evil of my heart Maddie, it is out of the question that I let you conquer the world without me by your side to bathe with you in the blood of our enemies."

With a shout of joy, Madalena jumped into Gareth's arms and they began to kiss each other on the mouth under Sid's horrified eyes. It was worse than a coach accident. Behind them, the castle in flame collapsed in the precipice. When they finally let go and Gareth put Madalena down on the ground, a concert of violins began to rise in the air. Sid only needed that signal. Sure that they were going to be too busy singing to notice his absence, he ran down to the bottom of the mountain, mounted his horse and set off at a gallop. The couple may have been horrifically cute in their own way, but it was out of the question for him to work for this crazy woman. He had hoped that Gareth would bring her back to reason but the opposite had happened and they were still going to say that it was his fault. No, he was going to look for an apprenticeship elsewhere, perhaps with King Richard.  
After all, the rumour said he had a dragon.

 


End file.
